1. Prepare. Don’t walk into the wedding reception
thinking you’ll know exactly what to say when you get there. If you have
a few months before the wedding, start mulling over some ideas for the
speech. Begin brainstorming and jotting down thoughts, stories, jokes,
and quotes you might want to use. If you don’t know a lot about how your
buddy and his wife met, ask. Think of stories from you and your buddy’s
past that show what a great guy he is. The goal of the speech is to
celebrate the couple and make them look good.
2. Stay sober. Sure, you want to enjoy yourself, and
yes, alcohol may help take the edge off of giving a speech in front of
hundreds of strangers; they don’t call alcohol liquid confidence for
nothing. But make sure you’re not sloppy drunk when you give your
speech. You don’t want to be completely uninhibited or you might say
something you’ll regret later on. Besides, a real man doesn’t need a
crutch to help him tackle a challenge. Be man enough to postpone your
own gratification until after the speech is completed.
3. Open by expressing gratitude. Thank all the
people who made the day possible. Single out the bride and groom’s
parents by name, and offer a toast to them for not only putting on the
wedding but for raising two fine people. Thank the guests for coming.
4. Tell a story-make a connection. The ideal way to
structure a best man speech is to find a connection between a story
about your friend and your support for the couple. Share a story about
how your friend would always lament that he would never find a woman
with x,y, and z qualities, but how he finally did in his new bride. Or
tell a story about the moment when you were hanging out with the couple
and you realized your friend had found his match. Another good angle is
to talk about the way that the bride and groom balance one another.
Relate a funny (not embarrassing, see below) anecdote in which one of
your buddy’s personality traits tripped him up in some way. For example,
the story could be about how your friend is very shy and how this
shyness caused some humorous event to occur. You then talk about how
bubbly and outgoing his bride is, and how they therefore balance each
other and make a perfect team.
5. Avoid controversial topics. Keep your speech on
topics that aren’t controversial, offensive, or embarrassing. You would
think this is common sense, but people somehow forget this when they’re
standing with a microphone in their hand in front of a crowd of people.
What gets people in trouble is attempting to be funny by sharing some
embarrassing story or cracking some lame joke about a ball and chain. It
usually comes out horribly and no one laughs. It’s okay to share a
humorous anecdote, but not one that gets laughs at the expense of your
friend and his new wife and embarrasses them and their guests.
Don’t talk about the groom’s past relationships, don’t tell people
what you really thought of your buddy’s wife when you first met her,
don’t slam the food, don’t make comments about “looking forward to the
honeymoon” while winking at the bride- basically, just use some tact and
common sense.
6. Avoid inside jokes. I hate when people do this in
small groups. I hate it even more when people do it in front of larger
groups. If you want to keep people’s attention, save the inside jokes
for when it’s just you and your friend.
7. Keep it short. Nothing irritates people more than
some rambling drunk going on and on and on. People have probably
already listened to the maid of honor and the bride’s father give their
spiel. By the time they get to you, the crowd is ready to eat cake and
get on with it. Shoot for no more than five minutes.
8. End with a quote. An easy way to end is by using a quote that wraps the speech up nicely. In “How Do You Know When She’s the One?”
I shared the quote my father-in-law used at my wedding. You can’t go
wrong with it: “Marriage is not about finding a person you can live
with, it’s about finding the person you can’t live without.” After that
you can simply say, “My friend has found that person.” The End.
9. Raise your glass and propose a toast. Raise your glass and say something to the effect of: “Here’s to a lifetime of happiness and love for ____ and ____!”
10. Remember to be yourself. No need to get formal
or try to be someone you’re not. And there’s no need to follow these
instructions exactly either. Simply use them as a guide and be yourself.
Let it flow naturally. Use your natural voice and mannerisms. Make it
personal and sincere and say things from the heart and you should be
golden.
Here’s your crib sheet:
1. Open by thanking those who made the day possible-end with saying “Thank you to all those who have made it here today.”
2. Transition to your speech: “I am especially glad to be here on
this occasion to celebrate this wonderful day with my friend/brother.”
3. Talk about how you know the groom, why you’re grateful for having him as your friend, and why he’s such an upstanding guy.
4. Share a story about your friend and connect it to the couple
5. Raise your glass and ask everyone to join in a toast to the happy couple
6. Let out a sigh of relief
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